In Praise of Beauty

Of all my loves this is the first and last 
That in the autumn of my years has grown, 
A secret fern, a violet in the grass, 
A final leaf where all the rest are gone. 
Would that I could give all and more, my life, 
My world, my thoughts, my arms, my breath, my future, 
My love eternal, endless, infinite, yet brief, 
As all loves are and hopes, though they endure. 
You are my sun and stars, my night, my day, 
My seasons, summer, winter, my sweet spring, 
My autumn song, the church in which I pray, 
My land and ocean, all that the earth can bring 
     Of glory and of sustenance, all that might be divine, 
     My alpha and my omega, and all that was ever mine.

From You Have I Been Absent...

From you have I been absent in the spring,
When proud-pied April , dressed in all his trim,
Hath put a spirit of youth in everything,
That heavy Saturn lough’d and leap’d with him.
Yet nor the lays of birds, nor the sweet smell
Of different flowers in odour and in hue,
Could make me any summer’s story tell,
Or from their proud lap pluck them where they grew:
Nor did I wonder at the lilies white,
Nor praise the deep vermilion in the rose;
They were but sweet, but figures of delight,
Drawn after you, you pattern of all those,
Yet seem’d it winter still, and you, away,
As with your shadow I with these did play.

Past, Present, Future

My eyes glistening with tears,
But not yet fallen.
I'm crying, but they're silent tears.
I'm crying on the inside so you are unable to see
All the pain running though me.

I never sleep, 
For fear of what tomorrow might bring.
How can I be so lost
In a place I know so well?
How can I be so broken
In a family so together?
How can I be so confused
Surrounded by so many?

Always forced to fight.
A fight I never seem to win.
God only knows such a fact.
I've fought for so long.
When will this ever end?
Sometimes I walk past everyone as if I were invisible.

Everything's moving with no place to go.
I tell myself that everything's going to be ok,
But it's seizures. 
The time it took to change me.
The life I had, I can't have back.
Yet I can't see why all these tears feel so unreal.
I'm not the same, my words are still unsaid.
So instead, I write them on paper.
What I hide is buried deep within me.

So many tears I have shed in the dark,
Hidden away in the privacy of my own thoughts,
Only to be shelved with morning's first light
Because of no courage to speak of my pain.
And it hurts to know that I'll never be the same,
Knowing I'll never be the girl I used to be.
If you only knew what I've been through,
Or maybe you could take a walk in my shoes,
Because this is sometimes how I feel.